have you ever prayed a one-off prayer? one that you really feel and need to send out of your heart, but one that you won't repeat? because even though you really feel it you're scared to invest too much in it by making it a private liturgy.
it felt audacious but very right to tell God what i want. and now it feels right to leave it to him and to breathe. i have a beautiful freedom in Jesus - every freedom, in fact, except the freedom to deny righteousness. i feel more calm than i should about all the complicated tomorrows, and i have a funny feeling that this stillness might be the rest and repentance Jesus has been longing to give me. i hope he holds me to it.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
a typical week.
my boyfriend and i broke up, one of my best friends isn't really able to be my friend anymore, and my mum is convinced that i have an eating disorder. plus phd stress, ongoing family dramas, and some weird anxiety problem. i'm doing ok but goodness am i ready for the texture of my life to smooth out a little bit. this really isn't sustainable.
Monday, January 24, 2011
The Weekend Fall-out (or, Psalm 13)
Sometimes it's not right to read all the way to the end of the Psalm.
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
Sometimes it takes a long time to be able to read to the end of the Psalm. Because sometimes the hope rings hollow.
How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and everyday have sorrow in my heart?
Sometimes it takes a long time to be able to read to the end of the Psalm. Because sometimes the hope rings hollow.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
Chemistry.
"Louisa sang as she came over the crest of the hill from the white folks' kitchen. Her skin was the colour of oak leaves on young trees in fall. Her breasts, firm and up-pointed like ripe acorns. And her singing had the low murmur of winds in fig tress. Bob Stone, younger son of the people she worked for, loved her. By the way the world reckons things, he had won her. By measure of that warm glow which came into her mind at thought of him, he had won her. [...] A strange stir was in her."
Jean Toomer, Cane (1923), New York: Perennial Classic, 1969, pp.51-52.
Jean Toomer, Cane (1923), New York: Perennial Classic, 1969, pp.51-52.
Monday, January 17, 2011
Note to self.
EVERYONE ALWAYS CHANGES.
EVEN A FEW MONTHS IS TOO LONG TO KEEP THE FEELING.
NOT ENOUGH.
DOING GOOD DOESN'T USUALLY PAY OFF.
EVEN A FEW MONTHS IS TOO LONG TO KEEP THE FEELING.
NOT ENOUGH.
DOING GOOD DOESN'T USUALLY PAY OFF.
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