denial

a month spent in a big black cloud. so hazy i can't even think of an original metaphor.

i'm really scared, just quietly.

You Have Forgotten.

People keep telling me I'm coping really well but they are wrong. I wake up crying every morning after fitful nights passed in and out of horribly realistic nightmares. I want this warped version of you to get out of my dreams. To step outside the hazy edges, morph back into the man who loves me, decide that i'm worth fighting for, and come back home to me for real. Because love? It doesn't just bail.

God says

That I have loved right.

forever in an hour.

i'm regretting all the times i took for granted just walking down the street holding your hand.

i don't know why i never imagined those walks coming to an end.

i want to string together beautiful little sentences to make you want me. but really, i just want you to want me. i didn't think it was really that much to ask. i didn't think i would have to hold you down and twist your arm.

thousands of kilometres shouldn't mean anything if you really cared for me. but then again i can't, cannot, face the prospect that you don't really care for me after all.

do you really want to let go of my hand?

will that really make your life better?

i guess you don't understand how much you've hurt me. i simply can't believe that you could have done this to me if you had any inkling of what these days would be like for me.